Dreams I have and dreams I shouldn't have.

I tend to try to protect myself in my little "fairy tale dream bubble." I am a planner, through and through. It's not a "type A" kind of thing but more of a way to cling to all things positive. You see, I don't plan on the negatives but only for the positives. So I am less likely to rush out and buy life insurance then I am for something for our marriage (that God only knows when it will happen.) Yes, I am guilty as sin. I have bought stuff, already.

It's only one thing, does that get me off the hook?

I will talk marriage until I am blue in the face and you've died of boredom. Why? Because the idea of having something so positive in my life, makes the negative of the past and the present disappear. And every day I get closer, the future gets brighter and the past fades away. It's a start of a new life, one I oh so deserve.

Call it denial, call it being a coward but at least I know what I want and how I feel. Which is something that a lot of people can't even do.

So let me look at dresses, let me look at wedding details, let me have my dreams.

It's not like I am dreaming of mansions, maids, nannies and diamonds, goodness. I mean really who dreams of those kinds of things?

All I dream of is being beside a man who will love me for my faults, for my cracks, my dings through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, someone who will honor and cherish me all the days to come. It's the one day that I've never had and it cements our relationship forever.

What's not to love about that?

So if our wedding is a year from now or three years from now, I am going to dream these dreams. It does not mean I am being naive or impatient. Nor does it mean I am day dreaming, it's just my motivation. It gives me so much to work on, goals to set and reach, things to fix and improve and what's not great about that?

It's not like I am dreaming of perfect wedded bliss, that life will be perfect afterwards and some how everything will be right. I get that reality isn't quiet like that but I do intend to lay some foundations and a clear path for the future. I do not want a marriage that will end in divorce and I am pretty certain that it wont but being the wise planner I have certain things I need to have happen prior to marriage. Although, I am willing to compromise and allow for changes, there is a "list."

So some of my requirements (not set in stone) before marriage consist of:

• We have dated for a minimal of six months in real life and in the same country but would prefer a year prior to marriage.
• X amount of money in savings.
• Both have gainful employment, either full or part time.
• We both have working, in good condition cars with no loans.
• We have a place that the rent/mortgage is well under what we can afford.
• We have no excess debts, IE credit cards, etc.
• We have a detailed and concise financial plan and back up.
• X amount of student loans paid off.
• We both have a monthly budget that has been in place for an x amount of months prior to marriage.
• Pre-marriage workshops, communication, parenting, etc.
• We have a clear knowledge of what each other needs and wants are.
• We have no shreds of doubts, I wouldn't ask him to marry me or vice versa if there was even the tiniest amount of doubt.
• We both have taken our health and mental wellness to where it needs to be.
• There's many more but of a more private nature.

And you all thought I was rushing into this.... pssssssssssssssst. Yes folks, I do know what I am doing... for now.