Dreams I have and dreams I shouldn't have.

I tend to try to protect myself in my little "fairy tale dream bubble." I am a planner, through and through. It's not a "type A" kind of thing but more of a way to cling to all things positive. You see, I don't plan on the negatives but only for the positives. So I am less likely to rush out and buy life insurance then I am for something for our marriage (that God only knows when it will happen.) Yes, I am guilty as sin. I have bought stuff, already.

It's only one thing, does that get me off the hook?

I will talk marriage until I am blue in the face and you've died of boredom. Why? Because the idea of having something so positive in my life, makes the negative of the past and the present disappear. And every day I get closer, the future gets brighter and the past fades away. It's a start of a new life, one I oh so deserve.

Call it denial, call it being a coward but at least I know what I want and how I feel. Which is something that a lot of people can't even do.

So let me look at dresses, let me look at wedding details, let me have my dreams.

It's not like I am dreaming of mansions, maids, nannies and diamonds, goodness. I mean really who dreams of those kinds of things?

All I dream of is being beside a man who will love me for my faults, for my cracks, my dings through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, someone who will honor and cherish me all the days to come. It's the one day that I've never had and it cements our relationship forever.

What's not to love about that?

So if our wedding is a year from now or three years from now, I am going to dream these dreams. It does not mean I am being naive or impatient. Nor does it mean I am day dreaming, it's just my motivation. It gives me so much to work on, goals to set and reach, things to fix and improve and what's not great about that?

It's not like I am dreaming of perfect wedded bliss, that life will be perfect afterwards and some how everything will be right. I get that reality isn't quiet like that but I do intend to lay some foundations and a clear path for the future. I do not want a marriage that will end in divorce and I am pretty certain that it wont but being the wise planner I have certain things I need to have happen prior to marriage. Although, I am willing to compromise and allow for changes, there is a "list."

So some of my requirements (not set in stone) before marriage consist of:

• We have dated for a minimal of six months in real life and in the same country but would prefer a year prior to marriage.
• X amount of money in savings.
• Both have gainful employment, either full or part time.
• We both have working, in good condition cars with no loans.
• We have a place that the rent/mortgage is well under what we can afford.
• We have no excess debts, IE credit cards, etc.
• We have a detailed and concise financial plan and back up.
• X amount of student loans paid off.
• We both have a monthly budget that has been in place for an x amount of months prior to marriage.
• Pre-marriage workshops, communication, parenting, etc.
• We have a clear knowledge of what each other needs and wants are.
• We have no shreds of doubts, I wouldn't ask him to marry me or vice versa if there was even the tiniest amount of doubt.
• We both have taken our health and mental wellness to where it needs to be.
• There's many more but of a more private nature.

And you all thought I was rushing into this.... pssssssssssssssst. Yes folks, I do know what I am doing... for now.

Rice cooker Mac n cheese AKA "Mmmmmmm..."

You know that little dusty box, sitting some where hidden in your house that you got as a wedding/house warming/birthday/etc gift... You are going to want to go get that NOW. Or you can just buy one tomorrow, first thing in the morning because this is the ultimate comfort for your soul Mac N Cheese.

Ok, I knew I needed to buy one because M's food requires A LOT of rice and I have a lot of time to practice cooking South Asian food. Ironically, I haven't cooked rice in it at all. I've cooked Mac N Cheese in it more times than I can count and no I am not Mac N Cheesed out yet. Over my dead body will that ever happen...

So yes, this idea of cooking MNC in a rice cooker with so few ingredients scared me. But I put on my big girl apron and did it anyways. Now my oven will never see a casserole dish full of MAC. Sorry oven, you just don't do it for me anymore.

Simple, easy and yummy.

Here's what you will need:

16 oz (roughly two cups) of either chicken or vegetable stock.

2 cups of uncooked elbow macaroni

Salt and pepper to taste

3/4 cups of milk

2 cups of freshly shredded cheese. (DO NOT BUY PRE SHREDDED CHEESE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! No really don't. It wont melt correctly. PLEASE don't. I used a mix of Monterrey Jack, Provolone and Mozzarella. You can use any combo you'd like.)

Here's how you do it.

1) Add in stock, elbow macaroni and salt and pepper. Cover and switch to cook setting for at least 15 minutes. Stirring about every five minutes.

2) Shred your cheese.

3) When noodles are al dente switch your rice cooker to the "warm" setting, then add in the milk. Then add your cheese in about a third at a time. Folding each batch in until melted making sure to lift from the bottoms and sides. Once all the cheese is in and melted, re-cover.

4) I let mine "cook" on warm stirring often allowing it to thicken and this also keeps the noodles cooking to the bottom of the pan.

5) Enjoy!

New wedding pretties.

Manyunderfoot's photostream on Flickr.

Inspirations for our American wedding. We are def doing the typical american wedding, with him in a tux but I am def throwing some Pakistani flare in to it. It will really show case who we are.

Closing the distance update. 10/9/11

This is a good news, bad news update. I was hoping for good news all around but it is what it is. So like having a splinter, it's best to pull it out before it festers and get infected.

As of yesterday M can't not get a visit visa due to the circumstances between Pakistan and the US. *grumblegrumblegrumble*

This is where I would of shed tears because I had hoped that he'd be here for my birthday and while I was on break. I had almost a whole month off in December and I wanted so desperately to spend most of that with him. Now we have to wait until the end of October to see what will happen then. Because the only visit visas they are allowing are for "official business." Ha. Someone better tell the government that I AM "official business!"

When he reapplies for his visit visa he will then have up to 15 days to have his interview. Then after that it could take two to two and half months for him to be able to fly to the States. So he could be here at the end of Dec or towards the end of Jan.

It's not M's fault, this I know. But I am kind of sad because I had gotten my hopes up to see him sooner. I know nothing will keep us apart. I had just wished it was sooner because I know what awaits us when we are together. I can't wait and having to wait another month is some what testing my patience. Ok, it's not some what, it is testing my patience. I am not very patient and the saying "Good things come to those who wait." dose not apply to me. It's a flaw of mine and I've come to embrace it and work with it. Others learn quickly to embrace it too or I would to think that.

The good news, well I am not allowed to say anything about that just yet.

Hey don't get mad at me. It's M's fault. ;]

But I am looking forward to it. Because at this point, I am not going to let go or give up. I love M so much that I wont give up on him. I can't picture my life without him and if that means I have to go to Pakistan to marry him, then I will. Then I can bring him back as my husband and we can start our new life in the States. That's last resort and we both pray that it wont come down to that but I am not afraid to do that. As much as he will fight for me, I will fight for him. This love is real and if you could see and listen to us when we talk at night, it would be apparent to you. There is no doubt in our love. Our love is so strong that we wont allow 8k miles to keep us apart.

In the mean time I will try to keep busy by learning how to cook more South Asian food and learning more about Pakistani culture. It's hard when it's just you and you have no one to ask for advice. I have no one to taste my food, poor M. He's going to be a guinea pig when he gets here. I want to make him breakfast, lunch and dinner one of the days he is here. I want to blow him away with my cooking. I can't wait just to be able to look into his eyes and only have him a foot away from me. I cant wait to hear his heartbeat, to feel his breathing, to feel his touch and to feel his love.

If you know how to speed up time, please let me know because this going to kill me!